Friday, September 10, 2010

Wake me up when September ends

September 11, 2002. Eight years ago. I was a freshman in college. I remember sitting in my psychology class listening to the professor lecture on the 5 stages of grief. Then in my anthropology class somehow we got in a discussion about those dying in war. I remember a young man raised his hand and started talking about losing "brothers" on our very own streets. Later on I would remember that day at school.

Then Saturday night, September 14th, I remember laying in bed feeling a heavy burden for Kavin and Kain (my two nephews) so I began to pray for them. I was just getting settled for bed when the phone rang. It was my paw-paw calling saying 2 cops stopped by his house saying they found a body and they weren't sure but they thought it was my brother's. Thats when my world changed.

I can't even descibe the way my stomach felt when my mom started getting dressed and told us what my paw-paw said. We were all in shock and were just hoping the cops were wrong. The cops were right. It was my brother. An off duty cop found his body in some woods by the Lafitte Larose highway. He was shot on September 11th and his body wasn't discovered until September 14th.

My mom and family started making phone calls to let others know. The grief in my paw-paw's house was too heavy for me. Some people prefer not to be alone at a time like that. I , however, prefered grieving alone so me and my dad went back home. I couldn't sleep that night. Instead, I just let the dam break free.

The days to follow were hard so I buried myself in school. I tried not to think about what happened. I just studied. At night though, the thoughts would creep in. I couldn't hide or run from reality. Waking up those first few days wasn't always pleasant. My mom was going through so much.

My mom is such a strong lady. I don't know how it feels to lose a child and I didn't have a child back then so I didn't understand exactly how bad she was hurting. Now that I have Dylan I know exactly how much she loved Lance, Kristy, and myself. I don't even want to imagine ever losing someone I love that deeply. She doesnt have to imagine.

It's been eight years since that horrible night. Time begins to lesson the pain but it doesn't take away the memories. And to be honest, I don't want the memories gone. It is has made me who I am today.

A few things I have learned the past eight years:

1. Time doesn't heal. Time does lesson the pain but only God can take the pain and hurt completely away.
2. God will not put on you more than you can bear. If you are going through something, be encouraged. He knows you have what it takes to overcome it!
3. Trials are a part of our lives. They will do one of two things - they will make you or break you. The Bible compares a person and his or her trial to the process of making gold.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that
perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour
and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ."
1 Peter 1:7
This is what I read on the internet about gold:

Gold is a mineral, so it is found in the ground, picked and chipped away one
nugget at a time. Then it goes through an intense process of refining before it
becomes desirable to the eye. In order for gold to be refined, it must be
subjected to an intense fire. This fire is what purifes the gold seperating out
all of the impurities. As the impurities are burned away, only the pure gold

4. Our trials shape us, making us stronger.
5. Don't be ashamed to grieve and to let it all out. Bottling it up inside will only hurt you.
6. The best thing a person can do for a grieving friend or loved one is to let them know that you are praying for them and that if they need anything you are there for them. Knowing that we had a church family praying for us was awesome and encouraging and for that we are thankful.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

hello september

It's September already and Dylan is 9 months old now. He says ma-ma, da-da, ba-ba, and bye-bye. He has two teeth now and still doesn't crawl yet. He lunges forward like he wants to crawl but then winds up on his belly and starts rolling. He's mobile alright - he finds a way to get to what he wants - just not by crawling. He is so active. It's fun to watch him during church when the music is playing. His hands start to moving, his feet start to kicking, and he starts to screaming. lol. He is so adorable. Ahhh . . . the joys of motherhood!

We entered Dylan in a Gerber baby contest and used this pic!

Here is what Kevin and I did in August:

1. Purchased a Dodge Nitro since my Cavalier was totaled.

my old car :( my new car :)
2. Saved tons of money by switching to Geico. lol. (Seriously. Statefarm was way too much.)
3. Tried all month to get our pool clean.
4. Drained and refilled pool. Finally clear and swimable!
5. Planned Youth Retreat.
6. Attended Youth Retreat and had a blast! (I was so busy that I didn't get a chance to take any pics)
Our car was so packed that we could barely fit Dylan in there! lol

I'm so glad August is over and I'm excited to see what September has in store. I definitely have to start thinking and planning Dylan's first birthday party. December 1st is going to be here before we know it.