I can't believe it has been seven years since I last blogged! I created this blog in 2008 and from my very first post all the way to my last post in 2013 I've updated on my marriage, the birth and growth of my babies, lessons I learned dealing with my brother's death, and so on. However, this time around I'd like to write more about my spiritual journey, my growth, the lessons I've learned and am still learning. I hope to edify, encourage, inspire, and strengthen. I hope to give you a glimpse of my heart as I share with you my journey in becoming the person God sees me to be. That being said, I'd like to share my testimony with you.
I was basically raised in the church. I was seven years old when my parents were filled with the Holy Ghost and I received the Holy Ghost a year or two later. I loved the church and had no desire to leave the safety of it. Satan knew he would never get me to backslide; he would never get me to explore the world. I had seen the results of that lifestyle through my brother and sister and I wanted no part of it. I was comfortable where I was. So instead, he began working with my mind, feeding me lies, planting seeds of doubt. He had me chained so tight and I didn't even know it.
A few years ago, God began opening my eyes and I realized the enemy had me bound. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my weaknesses, my failures, the areas I was lacking in. But how was I to overcome these things when I didn't even have a prayer life? I didn't have a relationship with God. So I began to talk with Him. I set up a certain time each day to pray and to study the Bible. Before, I read only to check it off my daily reading plan. I was actually refilled with the Holy Ghost in my bedroom during one of these prayer times, but doubt crept in and I began to question if it was the real deal. God opened my eyes to my doubt and fear and I began searching the Word of God for scriptures that were against every lie, every doubt, and every fear from the enemy. Jesus fought Satan with the Word when he was tempted in the wilderness, so that is what I began to do. When he told me I wasn't loved by God, that God loved everyone but me, that I was unworthy of God's love, I fought back with scriptures like Romans 8:38-39. "For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate me from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Before, I was placing limits on God's love. My insecurities were exempting me from the power of God's Word.
On August 19th of 2016, God refilled me with the Holy Ghost! We were at an anniversary service and Bro. Odom was preaching. He said that if someone would jump up, throw his/her hands up and cry "Jesus, thou Son of David, have mercy on me!" that God would stop what He was doing and answer. I wanted to so bad but pride and fear of what others would say or think stopped me. I stood up only after others did. During altar call, another minister pleaded and begged for someone to not quench the Spirit and to not leave without getting what they needed from God. I knew that I would be delivered if I would just make the move, but I was stuck in fear. However, I decided to push past the fear and I am so glad I did! God refilled and renewed me that night and that Sunday I was baptized again - old things passing away and all things becoming new!
The Anna I saw every time I looked in the mirror spiritually is no more. I am a new creature, ready to be the woman God sees me as, ready to be who God created me to be, and ready to fulfill the potential He sees in me. I am still a work in progress. God is still working on me, making me into the person He called me to be. And yes, sometimes those old insecurities rise up and I know they always will, but this time I have the proper tools I need to fight back!
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